Fake News Friday 3: Fake Harder

State Math Teachers Push for Cosine Die Day at Legislature

(Olympia) With Washington State legislators set to adjourn Sine Die on April 22nd, the Washington State Math Council has a question: "Why not a Cosine Die, too?"

"It's only fair," said Renee Anderson, president of the WSMC. "A sine without a cosine would be as ridiculous as a vertice without a corresponding supplementary angle. And we all know how ridiculous that would be, right?"

Mr. Anderson then chuckled to himself over the ridiculousness of it all.

Legislators expressed a cautious optimism in adding a Cosine Die day to the legislative calendar. Senator Lisa Brown suggested it could be the day after Sine Die, while Secretary of State Sam Reed proposed moving up Cosine Die to match with what California does with their Cosine Die day.

Bergeson Demoted to Notbadintendent of Public Instruction

(OSPI) In a stunning blow to her long-time friend and colleague in state government, Governor Chris Gregoire today demoted Terry Bergeson, director of the state's school, from Superintendent to Notbadintendent.

"I regret having to take this step, but it's been a long time coming," said Governor Gregoire. "When we even have to have the conversation we are about delaying the math WASL, when our science scores are as low as they are and trending flat, when we invest the billions that we do and still have to suffer mediocrity instead of embracing excellence....well, it's pretty easy to see that's just not Super."

"By any value-added measure, she hasn't added much value."

Dr. Bergeson spoke to reporters while moving her personal effects from her former office, a spacious suite on the third floor of the Old Capital Building, to an old broom closet on the first floor, just off the lobby.

"This is clearly an unfair and arbitrary decision on the Governor's part," said a visibly shaken Bergeson as she pulled diplomas off of her wall. "The work that I produced was valuable, even if her precious "value added" model doesn't show it. Look at the reports I produced, the sheet volume of regulation that has come out of this office under my guiding hand! I'm Terry Bergeson, dammit!"

Bergeson then kicked Pete Bylsma in the shin and stormed off in a huff.