Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Today's Fake News from Olympia

Governor Gregoire Blames Her Budget on Giant Invisible Rabbit

(Gregoire, Right, and Harvey, Left)

Reiterating today that she "hates her budget", Governor Gregoire today moved from blaming her budget on voters and the economy to instead placing the blame squarely on the hirsute shoulders of Harvey, a six-foot 3.5-inch tall invisible rabbit who follows the Governor everywhere she goes.

"My friends, I've wrestled with reality for over 35 years, and I'm happy to say I finally won over it," said the Governor at a press conference today. "Harvey wrote this budget, Harvey made me do these things, and that's the way it is."

Efforts to obtain comment from Harvey were unsuccessful.

Lazy Assholes Lining Up to Run for Superintendent of Public Instruction

When Governor Christine Gregoire announced last month her plan to reorganize all the separate boards that oversee the education system in Washington State into one department that would be responsible to a governor-appointed Secretary of Education, some saw it as a takeover of the education system. Other perceived a needed reform that would make a difference for students.

Others, however, smelled opportunity.

"*uck yes I'm running for Superintendent of Public Instruction!" eagerly announced Ryan Grant, an overweight blogger from outside Spokane. "It'll be the easiest job in Olympia!"

Under the Governor's proposal, all power and decision making authority would be removed from the Superintendent and vested in the new Secretary of Education. The State Constitution, however, mandates that there be a Superintendent of Public Instruction, a legislative accident that has those looking for the very stereotype of a government job lining up around the block.

"$100,000 a year plus, and basically all I have to do is show up? Score!" exclaimed poitical hanger-on Prophet Atlantis, a perennial candidate. "With my name recognition, this could be a slam dunk!"

As of this writing there are roughly 3,000 announced lazy bastards in search of the sinecure.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually I said that the position should be filled by a giant sack of Rice. Put a Dick Tracey hat on top, draw a smiley face, and sit that sack in a bean bag chair and call it Ralph. ------------But if they couldn't find a bag of rice willing to do the job I'd do it till the Bag of Hammers running the air port security stepped down to take over here. ---------- Meanwhile I am thinking of maybe, kidna, who knows running for office or mayor in Olympia or just wsiting for the economy to fully meltdown and take over as unelected Regional Prognosticator and Torch Holder.-----Prophet Atlantis, Olympia, WA

9:52 PM  

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