Fake News Friday--18 Days 'Til the Election Edition

WIAA Drops Cougars, Huskies to 4A

(Renton) The Washington Interscholastic Activities Association (WIAA) today took the unprecedented step of ordering the University of Washington Huskies and the Washington State Cougars to immediately suspend their seasons and join their closest 4A football league, said WIAA Executive Director Mike Colbrese at a news conference from his group's Renton headquarters.

"My number one concern is for the student athletes of those two schools, and they are clearly in it over their heads," said Colbrese. "The Cougars have lost three quarterbacks and are reduced to open tryouts for backups, and the Huskies have the depth of Paris Hilton. It's in their best interest to drop down for a few years and regroup, and that's what this allows them."

"It's not punishment for being lousy football teams, far from it," Colbrese continued. "Rather, they should look at it as an opportunity for growth."

Emotions were mixed among the schools' fan base. Staff at the Tyee Club in Seattle reported "intense" closed door meetings, punctuated only by shouted curses that echoed across Lake Union, while in Pullman the mood was decidedly more upbeat.

"I hope that we get to play in the Greater Spokane League," offered Cougars' Head Coach Paul Wulff. "You put us up against Ferris or Rogers, and I think we have a good shot, I really do."

"Remember, we want to be in the GSL. I want nothing to do with the Big 9. Have you seen Richland play? Jeez...."

Meanwhile, in Seattle, the KingCo and the WesCo leagues were locked in a bitter argument over which would have to take on the Huskies, particularly after their embarrassing loss to Bye last weekend.