On New Professors

Over at the Chronicle of Higher Education forums they're talking about the Gaping Chasm of Ignorance, including some great satire of new professors:

Help! I can't dress myself! Any tips on tying your own shoes? It's really tough!

Help! I've never taught college, and I have no idea what I'm doing! Dude, writing syllabi 'n' stuff were SO not in the job description!

Help! I stubbed my toe! Should I cancel class?

Help! I think I caught someone cheating. Omigod, can you believe it? Am I supposed to, like, do something about it?

Help! It might rain! Should I take an umbrella? What would you do?

There's more in the full post, and the whole thread is pretty funny.