Sunday, August 06, 2006

Because Bad Ideas Need Love Too


From the report Teaching Inequality, published in June by the Education Trust:

And, finally, take a cue from professional sports and start using a “draft strategy.” That is, put high-poverty, struggling schools at the head of the hiring line, allowing them to have the first pick of teaching talent. If we can give struggling sports teams first dibs on talented new players, can’t we do the same for low-performing schools and provide these schools a decent shot at giving good teachers to the students who need the most help?


Scene: The Theater at Madison Square Garden in New York City. It’s a full, rowdy house, filled with screaming fans in face paint, awash in the ecstasy of the moment. "Get Ready for This!” blasts over the speakers, whipping the frenzied crowd into an even higher fervor.

Chris Berman: Hello education fans, and welcome to the 2006 Teachers Draft! I’m Chris “Lots of Nicknames” Berman, joined today by analysts Mel Kiper Jr., and Andy Katz. Mel, give us the answer to the question on everyone’s mind—who will be the number one pick?

Continued Below

Mel Kiper: Chris, this is as wide open as I’ve seen the draft since Rafe Esquith went number one in 1992. There are literally thousands of possibilities, and any one of them would be a great fit for Coach Moskowitz’s team at Harlem Success.

Andy Katz: What I’m hearing from sources close to the league office is to keep an eye on where the Teach for America folks go. They’ve got great fundamentals that a lot of the teachers coming out of college just aren’t getting any more.

Berman: It looks like we’re about to find out….here comes the commissioner!

(Rod Paige comes out from behind the curtain. He’s wearing a tweed jacket, a bolo tie, and, inexplicably, no pants)

Paige: Hello teaching fans!

(crowd cheers)

I’d like to thank Mayor Bloomberg and Chancellor Klein for all their help with this year’s draft. We couldn’t do it without them. The teachers couldn’t do it without them. In fact, all good in the world flows from the glistening wellspring that is Joel Klein’s magnanimous, all-knowing self. Reading rugs will save education in this country!

(More cheering. A “PED-a-GO-gy!” chant starts in the back of the room and grows to a thunderous roar. Towards the front of the room two men wearing Rick Hess masks headbutt each other.)

Paige: All the hard work and preparation pays off today for the nation’s teachers, as they will be told where they can spend the rest of their careers. Sure, it might not be where they want to work, but that’s wholly irrelevant to what we’re doing today.

Berman: Amen, Rod!

Paige: And with the first pick in the 2006 Teachers Draft, Harlem Success Charter School selects....Reg Weaver, President of the National Education Association!

(The crowd sits in stunned silence. TV cameras pick up Reg Weaver, who looks shocked. The silence is then broken by a shriek from a table up front)

Eva Moskowitz: NOT REG WEAVER! PEG WEAVER, FROM NYU! OH MY GOD, I SPELLED IT WRONG AGAIN!

(Eva screams in fury and begins throttling the 23 year old first year teacher next to her, who takes it because she’s an at-will employee)

Paige: Wow, what a bummer. Good luck Eva!

Berman: Let’s go to Andy Katz, who is live with President Weaver.

Katz: Reg, how do you feel about this dramatic turn of events?

Weaver: This is a complete mistake. I can’t be expected to teach—I haven’t seen the inside of a classroom in 20 years!

Katz: Indeed! Back to you, Boomer.

Berman: Reg Weaver may be off the board, but there is still plenty of all-star talent out there. I can see Mr. Paige coming back to the podium; let’s hear who’s next!

Paige: With the second pick in the Teachers Draft, Craphole High School selects….. Stereotypical Careerchanger!

Berman: A bold pick for Craphole High! What can you tell us about him, Mel?

Kiper: Chris, Careerchanger has wanted nothing more in life than to teach kids but has been consistently blocked from the classroom by the foul, petty machinations of the evil, malignant teachers unions. Now, thanks to the Teacher Draft, he can finally live the dream!

Berman: What are his stats?

Kiper: SC is a 40 year old accomplished professional with rich life experience. He nailed a 5.5 40 in the teacher combine last month, and he’s been able to go for 13 hours at a time without using the restroom. He was in charge of a department of 120 people at his old job, where he made $170,000 a year.

Berman: Wait a minute, Mel….$170,000?

Kiper: That’s right, Boomer.

Berman: Interesting! Let’s go to Andy Katz, covering the contract negotiations between SC and his new school.

(Careerchanger is sitting at a table with officials from Craphole High, a shocked look on his face)

Careerchanger: $33,000 a year? Are you kidding me?!? That’ll barely cover my mortgage!

Balding Administrator: (looking rather put out) Sir, that’s what we pay all of our beginning teachers. You haven’t ever taught children; in fact, the only teaching experience listed on your resume involved getting the family dog to sit.

Careerchanger: Irrelevant! I demand top money, full autonomy, and to only teach the best kids!

Katz: It looks like there could be a holdout down here, Chris. What drama!

Berman: Indeed, Andy! Folks, we have to go to our first commercial break, but stay with us for complete coverage of the draft on all the ESPN family of networks!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

豆豆聊天室 aio交友愛情館 2008真情寫真 2009真情寫真 aa片免費看 捷克論壇 微風論壇 大眾論壇 plus論壇 080視訊聊天室 情色視訊交友90739 美女交友-成人聊天室 色情小說 做愛成人圖片區 豆豆色情聊天室 080豆豆聊天室 小辣妹影音交友網 台中情人聊天室 桃園星願聊天室 高雄網友聊天室 新中台灣聊天室 中部網友聊天室 嘉義之光聊天室 基隆海岸聊天室 中壢網友聊天室 南台灣聊天室 南部聊坊聊天室 台南不夜城聊天室 南部網友聊天室 屏東網友聊天室 台南網友聊天室 屏東聊坊聊天室 雲林網友聊天室 大學生BBS聊天室 網路學院聊天室 屏東夜語聊天室 孤男寡女聊天室 一網情深聊天室 心靈饗宴聊天室 流星花園聊天室 食色男女色情聊天室 真愛宣言交友聊天室 情人皇朝聊天室 上班族成人聊天室 上班族f1影音視訊聊天室 哈雷視訊聊天室 080影音視訊聊天室 38不夜城聊天室 援交聊天室080 080哈啦聊天室 台北已婚聊天室 已婚廣場聊天室 夢幻家族聊天室 摸摸扣扣同學會聊天室 520情色聊天室 QQ成人交友聊天室 免費視訊網愛聊天室 愛情公寓免費聊天室 拉子性愛聊天室 柔情網友聊天室 哈啦影音交友網 哈啦影音視訊聊天室 櫻井莉亞三點全露寫真集 123上班族聊天室 尋夢園上班族聊天室 成人聊天室上班族 080上班族聊天室 6k聊天室 粉紅豆豆聊天室 080豆豆聊天網 新豆豆聊天室 080聊天室 免費音樂試聽 流行音樂試聽 免費aa片試看A片 免費a長片線上看 色情貼影片 免費a長片 本土成人貼圖站 大台灣情色網 台灣男人幫論壇 A圖網 嘟嘟成人電影網 火辣春夢貼圖網 情色貼圖俱樂部 台灣成人電影 絲襪美腿樂園 18美女貼圖區 柔情聊天網 707網愛聊天室聯盟 台北69色情貼圖區 38女孩情色網 台灣映像館 波波成人情色網站 美女成人貼圖區 無碼貼圖力量 色妹妹性愛貼圖區 日本女優貼圖網 日本美少女貼圖區 亞洲風暴情色貼圖網 哈啦聊天室 美少女自拍貼圖 辣妹成人情色網 台北女孩情色網 辣手貼圖情色網 AV無碼女優影片 男女情色寫真貼圖 a片天使俱樂部 萍水相逢遊戲區 平水相逢遊戲區 免費視訊交友90739 免費視訊聊天 辣妹視訊 - 影音聊天網 080視訊聊天室 日本美女肛交 美女工廠貼圖區 百分百貼圖區 亞洲成人電影情色網 台灣本土自拍貼圖網 麻辣貼圖情色網 好色客成人圖片貼圖區 711成人AV貼圖區 台灣美女貼圖區 筱萱成人論壇 咪咪情色貼圖區 momokoko同學會視訊 kk272視訊 情色文學小站 成人情色貼圖區 嘟嘟成人網 嘟嘟情人色網 - 貼圖區 免費色情a片下載 台灣情色論壇 成人影片分享 免費視訊聊天區 微風 成人 論壇 kiss文學區 taiwankiss文學區

5:07 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home