Sunday, January 13, 2013

Inside Olympia with Rodney Tom (Abridged Version)

 With Austin Jenkins, Rodney Tom, and Mark Schoesler

AJ:  I'm joined by a Republican and a Democrat, I guess.  Is Ed Murray done hating you yet?

RT:  I'm so fucking bipartisan it hurts, and I don't understand why the Democrats over there won't take me up on my generous offer.

AJ:  Will you negotiate with them at all on the committees or the structure?

RT:  Fuck that, I'm a winner!  Right, Mark?  I'm giving them no strings attached chairs!

AJ:  What will day one look like?

MS:  I will bathe in the blood of the Democrats, and my God will it ever be glorious.

AJ:  Ed Murray read a history book, and he says that you're both so full of shit that you cry brown tears?

RT:  My constituents really want this.  Last year, we passed the budget 44-2!

AJ:  Wasn't that mainly Ed Murray's budget?

RT:  Oh, fuck off.  There are serious issues, and I'm a serious man!

AJ:  Kevin Ranker also says that this notion of power sharing is a total crock under a cloak of bipartisanship and that this is more to the right than it is the middle.

MS:  FUSE is the Washington version of ACORN.  Transportation, Higher Education, and Environment are all really, really neat committees that anyone would want to chair!

RT:  I chaired Higher Ed last year.  It was great.
RT:  I can't believe Kevin Ranker would say such a horrible thing, because me and Mark basically copied all of that off of Jay Inslee's website.  Me and Mark are just like Jay Inslee!

MS:  Easy, Tiger.

RT:  I don't want us to be like DC, so that's why I'm just like Joe Lieberman.

AJ:  So, social issues?

MS:  Jobs, education, and budget.  Period!  That's what people are concerned about.

AJ:  So, no social issues?

MS:  Didn't say that.

AJ:  But Steve Hobbes wants insurance providers to have to pay for abortions, and Republican Steve Litzow agrees.  Does that bill have a chance?

RT:  I totally support that legislation, but that witch Lisa Brown didn't pass it last year when she was the majority leader.  People hate those political games!

AJ:  So you'll pass it this year, since you're the majority leader?

RT:  Oh hell no.  Val Stevens would kill me.  We're going to have a laser focus, absolutely!

AJ:  Do you think you have control, or is that tenuous?

MS:  In 1963 Big Daddy Day did things.

RT:  But we haven't put a lock on any ideas.  Legislation will be introduced, and if I have to give Janea Holmquist Right to Work in order to get her vote for my Screw All the Teachers Bill, I'll do it.

AJ:  So what will you guy do when you have different opinions?

RT:  (looks at MS)

MS:  That's all you need to know, right there.

RT:  I'm thoughtful!

AJ:  Senator Schoesler, how dead is gun control?

MS:  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh so fucking dead.

AJ:  The Associated Press said this week that Pam Roach is still beating staff.  Is she a reliable vote?

MS:  I never got to see that report that said she's nuts.  I mean, I spend a lot of time with her in meetings, but I dunno.  Also, we're all going to have training.  Training is the cure, here!  And I can find one staffer who she hasn't abused yet, so really I think everything is just swell.

AJ:  But are there any restriction on her?

RT:  Jesus, no.  I need her like oxygen.

MS:  I really need a committee meeting so that I can know what's going on.

AJ:  McCleary will cost eleventy bazillion dollars.  What do?

RT:  The internet sales tax will make everything better.

AJ:  I thought you said you were against raising taxes?

RT:  Shut up.  I'm going to fund the classroom of the future, where the teachers are terrified and have no health insurance.

AJ:  But reform isn't money, and local school districts are having to make up the difference with local levies.  Why am I having to patiently explain the McCleary decision to you?

RT:  I want STEM to emphasize science, technology, engineering, and math.

AJ:  What?

RT:  A PE teacher and a math teacher make the same amount of money.  Who fucking needs PE teachers, anyways?

AJ:  Fat kids?

RT:  Microsoft can go out and hire a great math and science teacher for a lot more than someone who is a great PE teacher can get another job.  I'm going to attract the best and brightest by calling a lot of teacher slugs.

AJ:  So no more money?

RT:  Oh, eventually, after everything else I want is done.

AJ:  Senator Hewitt was kind of, "Yeah, taxes, maybe?"

MS:  We can't just throw money at the problem.  Our think tank said so!

RT:  I love output measures.  They can be used to make teachers look bad.

AJ:  I'm still hearing "no taxes", yes?

MS:  Ask me after the March revenue and caseload forecasts.  Progress might be anywhere between $0 and a billion.

RT:  I really hate all day kindergarten.

AJ:  Have Governor Inslee and Speaker Chopp told you to go to hell yet?

MS:  Well, they've talked to me......

AJ:  Please come back soon!


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