I’d Love to Attend Their Caucus Meetings

Negotiators for United Faculty of Evergreen also are gearing up for the first round of contract talks at The Evergreen State College in Olympia.
--WE Magazine, June 2007

Top contract demands from the United Faculty Union:

*No classes on April 20th
*Tenure decisions to be based on hacky-sack skills.
*Goeducks to be re-christened Gooeyducks, because that's how everyone spells it, dammit!
*Family of Dan Evans no longer has to admit his association to college.
*Sandals and ponchos to be considered proper attire.
*With regards to what the horticulture department is growing in the campus greenhouse, the administration agrees to mind their own business.
*School to separate from city of Olympia, become Free and Sovereign Nation of Evergreen State.
*Sleater-Kinney named professors emeritus in music department.
*School leader no longer to be called president; will instead be known as The Dude.

Evergreen: The Berkley of the Northwest.